How Mindful of a Partner are You?

Mindful Partnering Measure (MPM)

Please answer the following questions regarding how you typically interact with your intimate partner. Scoring Information is at the bottom of the page.

  • I find myself listening to my partner with one ear because I am busy doing or thinking about something else at the same time.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • When I’m upset with my partner, I notice how I am feeling before I take action.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • I listen carefully to my partner’s ideas, even when I disagree with them.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • I often react too quickly to what my partner says or does.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • Even when it makes me uncomfortable, I allow my partner to express their feelings.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • I rush through activities with my partner without being really attentive to my partner.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • How I am feeling tends to affect how I behave with my partner, but I do not realize it until later.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • When I am doing things with my partner, my mind wanders off and I am easily distracted.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • When my partner makes me upset I say or do things I later regret.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I tend to be hard on myself when I make mistakes as a partner.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • When my partner is going through a difficult time, I try to give them the nurturing and caring they need
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • When times are really difficult with my partner, I tend to blame myself.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I am often so busy thinking about other things that I realize I am not really listening to my partner.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • In difficult situations with my partner, I pause without immediately reacting.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • It is easy for me to tell when my partner is worried about something.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I tend to criticize myself for not being the kind of partner I want to be.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I am kind to my partner when they are upset.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • When my partner does something that upsets me, I try to keep my emotions in balance
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I try to understand my partner’s point of view, even when their opinions do not make sense to me.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • When something my partner does upsets me, I get carried away with my feelings

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    • I can tell what my partner is feeling even if they do not say anything.

    1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

  • I try to be understanding and patient with my partner when they are having a hard time.
  • 1. never true

    2. rarely true

    3. sometimes true

    4. often true

    5. always true

    SCORING INFORMATION:

    Add up scores for all items in a subscale to get a score for that subscale.

    • For MPM- Compassion/acceptance, add scores for items:
      • 3, 5, 11, 17, 18, 19, and 22
    • For MPM- Nonreactivity, add scores for items:
      • 2, 14
    • For MPM- Mindful Awareness, AFTER REVERSE-SCORING ALL, add scores for items:
      • 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 13, 20 (AFTER REVERSE-SCORING ALL ITEMS IN THIS SUBSCALE)
    • For MPM- Emotional Awareness:
      • 15, 21
    • For MPM-Self Compassion, AFTER REVERSE-SCORING ALL ITEMS IN THIS SUBSCALE, add scores for items:
      • 10, 12, 16  (AFTER REVERSE-SCORING ALL ITEMS IN THIS SUBSCALE)

    Add up the score for all subscales to get a Total Mindful Partnering Score.

    When scored as above, higher scores reflect greater levels of mindful partnering in one’s relationship.